Radical Self Love

VIA

If you’re not a big iCing follower you might not be aware of the Radical Self Love project that Gala Darling has been running over there. I’ve decided to jump on to this particular band wagon, and I’ve found thinking about what I want and the way I want to feel about myself feels really healthy especially at this time of year and before the long dark winter nights begin for realz.

Since returning to New Zealand a couple of years ago I’ve spent an awful lot of time and money on my mental health and wellbeing, and I’ve learnt that what I really want to be is CONTENT – gloriously content. I say this advisedly because “happy” for me indicates a level of deliriousness or franticness that usually leads to delirious unhappiness. Contentment is about having an inner feeling of Good, something to carry around with you in your solar plexus like a talisman.

The term contentment can have some negative connotations. So to clarify: I don’t see contentment as a “settling for” type of a thing, a determination to “make the best of a bad situation”. Also, it’s not about stagnation, thinking that the situation you’re in is a constant and an ideal or self satisfaction. So, for me, Radical Self Love is about achieving this sense of contentment and acceptance – but feeling this because I’m enjoying where I am rather than because I’ve forcibly thought my way out of dissatisfaction. I found this kinda neat quote below that sums up what I’m trying to say:

To be content has to include knowing we are in the right place at the right time to facilitate our own growth. But to be self-satisfied means that we no longer realize the need for growth. - Ayya Khema

It’s a long way to say – what I want to ask during this month is “am I content with where I am and what I’m doing?” The last few months I have been dissatisfied with some situations in my life, but I’m beginning to feel a shift. I’m proud of this shift because I feel as though I’ve owned this change – I’ve actively pursued certain things and actively made some changes, but also I’ve chosen to exhibit some patience with those things that I can’t push into change. I’ve made more decisions to see family but have also managed to remove guilt from the equation which has made seeing them so much more enjoyable. My project from my last therapist helped with that – negating negative core beliefs and questioning why certain things sparked such feelings of guilt and impotence in me, and how I could deal with these – turning “I should” into “I would like to” and reworking sentences whenever the “I would like to” sounded jarring.

You may have noticed that I’ve been more committed to blogging regularly and that’s part of my desire to be better organised. Organisation, declutter and a beautiful living environment is both the result and begetter of my contentment, and my contentment is my self-love.

Even if you’re all like “hell you so flaky right now Ginger”, I recommend heading over to iCing and having a look at the Radical Self Love questions. Refocusing on how you want to feel about yourself and your life is a beautiful thing my darlings, and fuck it, you’re worth the effort.