Crying on the bed like my little heart would break

I was determined not to write anything tonight: I was supposed to be too busy anyway but Fran stood me up. She was tired after taking photos of the meat works for thirteen hours yesterday. Fairly gruelling. I rang Liz, but she was supposed to go to a play at nine o'clock tonight, and thus could not see me anyway. And then, the rejection got too much (woe is me!) and I couldn't face up to ringing more people and being told "no! no love for you!" And I'm supposed to be saving money not spending, so I took this as sign. What I was thinking about though, was my first boyfriend: there is a "documentary" about the Red Hot Chilli Peppers on tv and it reminded me of him and of being thirteen and easily impressed. Oh, I thought he was so cool; I was in third form, he was in sixth form, so much older and more mature. And mum would not let me go to the parties that he invited me to. And I would shout "Its so unfair! I hate my life! I hate you!" Crying on the bed like my little heart would break: I was always the drama queen. So, the story involving Jordan O'Neil and the Red Hot Chilli Peppers is this: he told me that he met Anthony Kiedis in town while the Chilli Peppers were touring New Zealand (this was maybe 1995/6). I didn't actually believe him, I don't think, maybe I was impressed by the boldness of such a claim. He went to the concert; I of course was not allowed to go but I listened to music on my bed. And cried as though my little heart would break. The period in which I liked the Red Hot Chilli Peppers was exactly, maybe to the day, the period in which I liked Jordan O'Neil. I got drunk with him after someone's bar mitzvah once too. Who's bar mitzvah was that? Maybe that was when I met him? He lived out in Plimmerton, Andy remembered him (Andy grew up in Plimmerton too) and LAUGHED at me when I told him how cool I though Jordan was when I was thirteen. I believe Andy's comment may have been something like "Ugh, but he's such a big geek." But Andy, he went to dance parties in the sheds at the wharf! And hung out behind the bus shelters by the railway station after school and SMOKED. How cool is that? I think I still have a hangover from that association (cool older boyfriend = smoking); I don't smoke myself because its bad for me and makes me violently ill, but I can't help thinking that I would be so much cooler if I did.