Waffle

he weather has been beyond appalling lately, my dears. Right now I'm listening to the rain thrash away at the roof and it is loud and obnoxious. I am out of laundry again despite the ministrations of Shannon; I really must try and make a better effort with my laundry. I've reached a kind of tipping point where I've decluttered my clothing enough that it's become increasingly imperative to keep on top of my laundry, yet not pressing enough to actually force me into doing it. The problem is: too much underwear. Most of it is pretty gross, i.e. full of holes and a size too small and five years old. I should purge my knicker drawer for sure. It's a wonder that I have a boyfriend who is at all sexually interested in me when my knicker drawer is considered. Maybe he loves skanky knickers?

The biggest issue at the moment with my laundry is: TOWELS. I read that really nobody needs more than two towels (one for using and one in the wash). However, I've discovered that I certainly need more than two towels because I wash whites so infrequently. Unfortunately I discovered this after cutting up most of my towels for rags. I need to wash my towels tonight or else I am going to be in Dire Peril tomorrow morning when I want to take a shower.

Have you had a go at that "I write like" writing analysis thing? I've tried it something like five times now, and I get a different result each time. However the first three were: Dan Brown, Stephen King and Ian Fleming, none of who are exactly "literary". Call me a snob but - DAN BROWN??? Death. Absolute Death. This leads me to conclude that I Must Try Harder with my writing because I cannot live with this hanging over my head. Until the writing analysis tool tells me I'm DH Lawrence or Margaret Atwood I am going to be deeply unhappy.

The main result then is: cutting out the worst of my lazy internet speak from my blog. Who am I fooling? There is nothing nice about the use of a cutesy turn of phrase! In fact, sometimes I read over what I've written and feel a little ill because of the saccharine way I write at times. I SPIT ON YOU SACCHARINE WRITING. DEATH TO CUTESY WRITING!

I've finally got together all my papers to send off for my course application, and it's freaking me out a little. Study has been my holy grail of Options for so long that I've stopped thinking about the reality of it and just idolised the concept. But it's struck me that it means: no money and lots of work. Also, I've developed a fear that I'm going to end up getting myself into yet more student loan debt without achieving very much - that is, I'll still be unemployable in the area that I want to get into. Also also, what if the area I think I want to get into isn't the area I actually want to get into at all? And then I begin the Anxiety spiral, which I haven't missed at all.

Maybe I shouldn't study if it will reduce me to anxiety?

This morning in the shower (pre-coffee but still one of the places where I do my best work) I got to thinking about myself in the light of internet feminism (and I specifically link to the reblog post, as I haven't read the actual post yet. It was the comment that started the thinking).

Sometime ago, the Hand Mirror linked to my blog which was pretty flattering (although I guess that unless you're posting angry-anti feminist rants in their comments this is pretty much guaranteed).  And I do read some feminist blogs and have a generally feminist take on life I believe. But I can't be angry all the time; it simply exhausts me. I worry that internet feminism closes out a lot of people through it's rhetoric - Sady Doyle writes pretty much the same thing above (or at least - that's how I interpreted it, as quoted by Emily Gould).

Finally: where does my craftiness place me in light of internet feminism? I believe that it's a Fore Mothers-type thing (as in, I am taking part in Women's Work, but not out of necessity. Reclaiming what has been written out of histories and discarded and now rendered obsolete by mechanisation/male driven commercialisation of fabric production). I am aware, however, that Making is somewhat ambiguous, and am reminded of this every time I read recipes in cooking communities like Recipezaar or Tasty Kitchen - there is so much emphasis on cooking for the husband and children. Not that I'm angry about nurturing or giving a shit about one's family in general. It's the assumption that is the issue.

Dudes, it's a minefield out there.

Last thing: thanks for lovely comments lovely people. I love comments. And lately I've had lovely ones, what a lucky girl am I!