The ongoing saga of He That Shall Be Known As "S&M Man Mountain"

Because he talks about his S&M propensities and is a big boned lad. You may recall that he was mentioned not so long ago... his "wild sexual tastes" a cause of much discussion at La Factoire. An ongoing cause of discussion. A nausea-inducing cause of discussion. Ugh. I always imagine a leather g-string and studded collar... on a man well over six foot and definately larger with it. Hairy too. (Scots Liz recommended that I place a gimp mask on him as well, as it would be the only way to look him in the face. And its quite effective really. Perhaps, if fearing public speaking, instead of imagining everyone naked you could imagine them all in gimp masks.) S&M Man Mountain (or, for brevity's sake SM3) is classic geek Australian. He is moving to the East Coast with some girl that I suspect he is stalking; imagining marriage, harmony, ten children (his words) and, of course, having lots and lots of stuff. Because, to consume is good! We must have the latest things... the most expensive phones... a dishwasher for a single man! "What do you mean you don't want or need anymore things... things are what I live for!" What a good little consumer he is, buys all the lines he's fed and passively absorbs whatever he is told is good for him. Hence the fact that he eats crappy food constantly, drinks coke instead of water, mainlines greasy canteen food. He lives across the road from his mother and father, in a house that they paid the deposit on. They have a key to his house and come over and do his dishes, regularly. When he is sick, his mother tells him that he has to go to work (and make everyone else ill) or she refuses to talk to him. He has recently set up a gym in his house, and is jogging in the back garden to get fit. Surely the point of jogging is to get fit while seeing stuff? I have a thing about being forced to see other peoples photos. If I ask to see them, sure, fine, that's cool. BUT - being forced to see a certain someone's lame-as-fuck photos of their Kontiki tour of Europe FIVE YEARS AGO is enough to drive me, screaming, from La Factoire. Or sulk. Yes, these photos were a veritable celebration of all that is good about being an Australian geek on a Kontiki tour where - guffaw - "Fifty people drunk enough alcohol for a hundred!" What a cultural achievement! These photos included a series of three shots of the hand of SM3 - someone took his camera on the last night and he didn't want his photo taken. And a picture of him dipping Pringles (good consumer) in beer. He follows up this photographic extravaganza with the comment "these are my favourite photos from the trip". God spare me. I am trying to meet people and make friends, but THIS is what I have been given to work with.